How to Write Vivid Scenes 3: Cause and Effect

I've been talking about writing vivid scenes, an important part of keeping suspense and tension up throughout your novel. Let's finish up our discussion on scenes with the rest of an essay adapted from my writing craft book, Advanced Plotting-- looking at cause and effect.

Cause and Effect

One of the ironies of writing fiction is that fiction has to be more realistic than real life. In real life, things often seem to happen for no reason. In fiction, that comes across as unbelievable. We expect stories to follow a logical pattern, where a clear action causes a reasonable reaction. In other words, cause and effect.

The late Jack M. Bickham explored this pattern in Scene & Structure, from Writer’s Digest Books. He noted that every cause should have an effect, and vice versa. This goes beyond the major plot action and includes a character’s internal reaction. When action is followed by action with no internal reaction, we don’t understand the character’s motives. At best, the action starts to feel flat and unimportant, because we are simply watching a character go through the motions without emotion. At worst, the character’s actions are unbelievable or confusing.

In Manuscript Makeover: Revision Techniques No Fiction Writer Can Afford to Ignore(Perigee Books), Elizabeth Lyon suggests using this pattern: stimulus—reaction/emotion—thoughts—action.

• Something happens to your main character (the stimulus);
• You show his emotional reaction, perhaps through dialog, an exclamation, gesture, expression, or physical sensation;
• He thinks about the situation and makes a decision on what to do next;
• Finally, he acts on that decision.

This lets us see clearly how and why a character is reacting. The sequence may take one sentence or several pages, so long as we see the character’s emotional and intellectual reaction, leading to a decision.

Bickham offered these suggestions for building strong scenes showing proper cause and effect:

The stimulus must be external—something that affects one of the five senses, such as action or dialog that could be seen or heard.

The response should also be partly external. In other words, after the character’s emotional response, she should say or do something. (Even deciding to say nothing leads to a reaction we can see, as the character turns away or stares at the stimulus or whatever.)

The response should immediately follow the stimulus. Wait too long and the reader will lose track of the original stimulus, or else wonder why the character waited five minutes before reacting.

Be sure you word things in the proper order. If you show the reaction before the action, it’s confusing: “Lisa hurried toward the door, hearing pounding.” For a second or two, we don’t know why she’s hurrying toward the door. In fact, we get the impression that Lisa started for the door before she heard the pounding. Instead, place the stimulus first: “Pounding rattled the door. Lisa hurried toward it.”

If the response is not obviously logical, you must explain it, usually with the responding character’s feelings/thoughts placed between the stimulus and the response. Here’s an example where the response is not immediately logical:

Knocking rattled the door. (Stimulus)

Lisa waited, staring at the door. (Action)

Why is she waiting? Does she expect someone to just walk in, even though they are knocking? Is she afraid? Is this not her house? To clarify, include the reaction:

Knocking rattled the door. (Stimulus)

Lisa jumped. (Physical Reaction) It was after midnight and she wasn’t expecting anyone. Maybe it was a mistake. Maybe they’d go away. (Thoughts)

She waited, staring at the door. (Responsive Action)

In some cases the response may be logical and obvious without including thoughts and emotions in between. For example, if character A throws a ball and character B raises a hand to catch it, we don’t need to hear character B thinking, “There’s a ball coming at me. I had better catch it.” But don’t assume your audience can always read between the lines. Often as authors we know why our characters behave the way they do, so we assume others will understand and we don’t put the reaction and thoughts on the page. This can lead to confusion.

In one manuscript I critiqued, the character heard mysterious voices. I assumed they were ghosts, but the narrator never identified them that way. Did he think they were something else? Did he think he was going crazy? Had he not yet decided? I couldn’t tell. The author may have assumed the cause of the voices was obvious, so she didn’t need to explain the character’s reaction. But it just left me wondering if I was missing something—or if the character was. Err on the side of showing your character’s thoughts.

Link your scenes together with scene questions and make sure you’re including all four parts of the scene—stimulus, reaction/emotion, thoughts, and action—and you’ll have vivid, believable scenes building a dramatic story.

  

 Advanced Plotting is designed for the intermediate and advanced writer: you’ve finished a few stories, read books and articles on writing, taken some classes, attended conferences. But you still struggle with plot, or suspect that your plotting needs work.

Advanced Plotting can help.

Buy Advanced Plottingfor $9.99 in paperback or as a $4.99 e-book on Amazon or Barnes & Noble, or in various e-book formats from Smashwords.

How to Write Vivid Scenes part 2

Last week I talked about how to write vivid scenes by focusing on action and dialogue (not summary) and by including conflict. Now let's explore how to link those scenes for the best dramatic impact.

Connecting Scenes

Each scene is a mini-story, with its own climax. Each scene should lead to the next and drive the story forward, so all scenes connect and ultimately drive toward the final story climax.

A work of fiction has one big story question—essentially, will this main character achieve his or her goal? For example, in my children’s historical fiction novel The Eyes of Pharaoh, the main character hunts for her missing friend. The story question is, “Will Seshta find Reya?” In The Well of Sacrifice, the story question is, “Will Eveningstar be able to save her city and herself from the evil high priest?”

In Rattled (written as Kris Bock), the big story question is, “Will Erin find the treasure before the bad guys do?” There may also be secondary questions, such as, “Will Erin find love with the sexy helicopter pilot?” but one main question drives the plot.

Throughout the work of fiction, the main character works toward that story goal during a series of scenes, each of which has a shorter-term scene goal. For example, in Erin’s attempt to find the treasure, she and her best friend Camie must get out to the desert without the bad guys following; they must find a petroglyph map; and they must locate the cave.

You should be able to express each scene goal as a clear, specific question, such as, “Will Erin and Camie get out of town without being followed?” If you can’t figure out your main character’s goal in a scene, you may have an unnecessary scene or a character who is behaving in an unnatural way.

Yes, No, Maybe

Scene questions can be answered in four ways: Yes, No, Yes but…, and No and furthermore…. 

If the answer is “Yes,” then the character has achieved his or her scene goal and you have a happy character. That’s fine if we already know that the character has more challenges ahead, but you should still end the chapter with the character looking toward the next goal, to maintain tension and reader interest. For example, in my mystery/suspense novel What We Found (written as Kris Bock), one chapter ends when the heroine has successfully fought back against someone who was harassing her. But she realizes that the person is probably not the murderer, so a killer is still out there.

Truly happy scene endings usually don’t have much conflict, so save that for the last scene.

If the answer to the scene question is “No,” then the character has to try something else to achieve that goal. That provides conflict, but it’s essentially the same conflict you already had. Too many examples of the character trying and failing to achieve the same goal, with no change, will get dull.

An answer of “Yes, but…” provides a twist to increase tension. Maybe a character can get what she wants, but with strings attached. This forces the character to choose between two things important to her or to make a moral choice, a great source of conflict. Or maybe she achieves her goal but it turns out to make things worse or add new complications. For example, in Rattled, the bad guys show up in the desert while Erin and Camie are looking for the lost treasure cave. The scene question becomes, “Will Erin escape?” This is answered with, “Yes, but they’ve captured Camie,” which leads to a new set of problems.

“No, and furthermore…” is another strong option because it adds additional hurdles—time is running out or your character has a new obstacle. It makes the situation worse, which creates even greater conflict. In Whispers in the Dark (written as Kris Bock), one scene question is, “Will Kylie be able to notify the police in time to stop the criminals from escaping?” When this is answered with, “No, and furthermore they come back and capture her,” the stakes are increased dramatically.

One way or another, the scene should end with a clear answer to the original question. Ideally that answer makes things worse. The next scene should open with a new specific scene goal (or occasionally the same one repeated) and probably a review of the main story goal. Here’s an example from The Eyes of Pharaoh:

     Scene question: “Will Seshta find Reya at the army barracks?”

     Answer: “No, and furthermore, she thinks the general lied to her, so Reya may be in danger.”

     Next scene: “Can Seshta spy on the general to find out the truth, which may lead her to Reya?”

Over the course of a novel, each end-of-scene failure should get the main character into worse trouble, leading to a dramatic final struggle.

Next week: Using Cause and Effect

In Advanced Plotting, you’ll get two dozen essays like this one on the craft of writing, plus a detailed explanation of the Plot Outline Exercise, a powerful tool to identify and fix plot weaknesses in your manuscripts. Buy Advanced Plottingfor $9.99 in paperback or as a $4.99 e-book on Amazon or Barnes & Noble, or in various e-book formats from Smashwords.

Resources for Revision

To follow up on my series on novel revision, here are a few other great resources.

Doug Eboch, Sweet Home Alabama writer, has lots of great posts on his screenwriting blog and many of the techniques he covers apply to novels as well. Spend some time exploring and you’ll find lots of gems. In terms of revision, I especially like this one on how to make romantic scenes (or any quiet scene where characters are getting along) tense. Check out his posts on structure as well. (You can view every post by clicking on the first link here, and then scrolling through the list of topics down in the right-hand column.)

Writers Digest has an online article on 4 Techniques to Fire Up Your Fiction. It includes prompts from literary agent Donald Maass on how to dig deeper into your scenes and pump up the intensity.

Cheryl B. Klein, senior editor at the Arthur A. Levine imprint of Scholastic, is known for giving great writing workshops. She's now collected many of her talks together in Second Sight: An Editor’s Talks on Writing, Revising, and Publishing Books for Children and Young Adults. She discusses both picture books and novels, with in-depth analyses of the Harry Potter series, The Hunger Games, and a couple of humorous novels by Lisa Yee. It's like looking over her shoulder while she works! Along with advice on everything from opening lines to finding the emotional heart of your story, she addresses the business side of publishing by sharing an example of The Annotated Query Letter from Hell and an Annotated Query Letter That Does It Right.

Because these essays started with different talks Klein gave, the material is sometimes repetitive. That becomes interesting in itself, however, showing how ideas can develop and become refined over time, an example of editing. It's worth taking your time over each essay, letting it sink in and trying some of her techniques. This is one of the few writing books that seems to target intermediate and advanced writers far more than beginners. You'll return to this one again and again.

I've also combined many of my own articles on writing, plus expanded workshop notes, plus essays from other professional writers, into a 106 page book called Advanced Plotting, available as a $9.99 paperback or a $4.99 e-book. If you like the writing advice you get here, please check it out.

Happy editing.
Chris

Finishing the Novel Revision Exercises

Whew, the end is finally in sight! Working with the plot arc concept I introduced several weeks ago takes some time. Today, we have the last of our questions. That doesn't mean the editing is over, of course -- but hopefully you have a good idea of the trouble spots in your manuscript. I'll be offering more suggestions on revision in the weeks ahead, including tips focused on beginnings and endings. I'll also be doing a series delving into theme. But for the moment, let's assume you have some idea of your theme for your current work in progress -- or else take some time now to work it out -- and ask these questions based on your plot arc.

Analyze Your Plot Arc for Theme:

• Do you touch on your theme throughout the manuscript? Are there places where you can add references, perhaps oblique, to set it up better? 

• Look at your character arc. Does the MC experience an epiphany? Does she see herself differently at the end? How will she behave differently now?

And finally, one last step (or series of steps, really):

Analyze Your Plot Arc for Smaller Details:

• Look at cause and effect. Does each scene lead logically to the next? Are they in the proper order? Are any redundant? If you cut the scene, would you lose anything? 

• Do you include all the clues your readers need for the story to make sense and feel believable? 

• How long are your chapters? Any unusual ones? Should you make changes?

• Go back through the manuscript and mark cliffhanger moments (note the page numbers on your inventory). Do they match chapter breaks? Can you add more cliffhangers? (See my series of posts on cliffhangers -- you'll find the topic labels in the right-hand column.)

• Can you expand your strongest scenes for more drama?

Going through these lists can feel overwhelming if you try to do everything in one day. Make sure you take your time over each step, so you get the most out of these questions. You may want to only address one or two of them in an editing session. And remember, at this point, you don't necessarily want to start fixing things. Rather, focus on making notes on your plot arc (that's why you left blank lines after each scene description) so you know how to handle the work on your revision.

Analyze Your Plot Arc for Subplots and Secondary Characters:

We are still working with that plot arc from several weeks ago. You know the drill by now -- use your outline to go over your plot and see what's missing and what's overdone.

• Look at your subplots. Are they woven evenly throughout the manuscript? Do you need to give more attention to some, or space them out more evenly? 

• Can any secondary characters be combined or eliminated?

The best way to do this is to use a different color highlighter is for each subplot and secondary character. That gives you a nice visual map of how often a person or plotline appears. For example, I did this exercise at the early outline stage for a book proposal I was developing. The main character was a 12-year-old boy. His slightly older brother, his major rival, held a strong role throughout the plot. Their litter sister had less of a role in the plot, but was still important to both plot and theme. By highlighting the chapters where she appeared in my outline, I noticed that she had little presence throughout the middle of the book. That warned me to find ways to include her in those middle scenes.

You can do this exercise after you have a complete draft as well, to find holes where you may have ignored a subplot or major secondary character for too long. (Note that you don't have to do this with every single person who appears in the manuscript. By secondary characters, I'm talking about those who still have an important role. If someone only appears once in passing -- a taxi driver or shop clerk, perhaps -- you don't need to mention them in your outline.)

For more help developing your secondary characters, see these earlier posts (you can also click on the "Secondary Characters" link to the lower right):

Not All Grandmothers Have White Hair (Making Minor Characters Fresh) 

Is Your Villain Evil Enough? 

Putting Secondary Characters First

Analyze Your Plot Arc for Emotion:

We’ve been working with the Plot Arc Exercise I posted three weeks ago. We looked at our plots for conflict and tension. Now it’s time to check the emotion. I asked you to list the major emotions for each scene, and underline the primary one. If you have little emotion, or only happy emotions, you probably don’t have a dramatic plot. In that case, you want to focus on making things harder for your characters.

Hopefully you have a strong emotion in every scene, probably a negative one—fear or grief or anger, for example. Strong emotions drive the story forward. But any emotion, no matter how strong, seems to flatten out over time. If you have a suspense novel where your character is on the run and constantly terrified, it becomes emotionally exhausting and even tedious, no matter how exciting the action. The emotion flows in a straight line, and straight lines become boring. Instead, you want ups and downs.

In Writing the Breakout Novel, Albert Zuckerman describes a scene from Gone with the Wind, where Scarlett is going to confess her love to Ashley. She’s nervous but excited. She starts out hopeful. He doesn’t respond as she wishes, and she starts to get anxious. She becomes determined and tries harder. He admits that he cares for her. She’s elated! But then he explains why they can’t be together. She flies into a rage. He leaves. She’s devastated. Rhett Butler pops up from where he’s been laying on the couch. She’s humiliated that he overheard. He tells her she’s too good for Ashley. She gets angry at Rhett....

See how many different emotions are in that one scene? And I’m going on memory here, so I may be missing some. Scarlett displays not only a variety of emotions, but strong ups and downs, from devastation to elation. Granted, Scarlett is an unusually emotional character, so your main character may not react with such extremes. You still want to make sure that he or she has a variety of fairly strong emotions. In that suspense novel, you want your character to feel relief, because she escaped. She’s exhausted, she just wants to rest. But she’s worried about will happen next. She tries to puzzle out the clues. She starts to get angry. Wait—what’s that sound? The fear comes back... and then you lead into another action scene. The low allows your hero’s—and your reader’s—adrenaline to drop, so that the next rush is a more powerful experience.

This holds true even if you’re not writing action books. Even a relatively “quiet” story about interpersonal relationships should still have a variety of strong emotions, though they may be expressed in different ways.

I recently finished an adult suspense manuscript. I tend to be a strong plotter, and I started with an extensive outline, so my first draft of a scene would have plenty of action and dialogue. Then I’d go back through and flesh out the emotion. I’d make sure I was giving my main character time to react and express her emotions, if only in her own head. On the surface, it might seem like this would slow down action scenes. But by fully exploring your character’s reactions, you increase the drama and keep your reader invested in the main character’s experience. We’re not just seeing what happens, we’re seeing how it affects our hero or heroine.

That’s a long lead-in to a short (but important) section of the exercise. Go back to your Plot Arc Exercise and analyze your scenes as follows:

•             How many emotions do you have in each chapter/scene? Can you add ups and downs? (For example, your MC feels happy anticipation, then anxiety that things aren’t going as planned, followed by a shock, which causes humiliation, then anger, then despair.)

•             Do the main character’s emotions escalate over time? As events get more serious, and the stakes rise, the emotions should also increase.

 

One caveat here—you want to avoid getting melodramatic. Remember, you want ups and downs, so quieter or less extreme emotions can provide some of those. Unless you’re creating another Scarlett O’Hara, don’t have your main character react excessively to everything. Save the powerful emotions for powerful events.

Novel Revision part 3: Tension

Two weeks ago I started this Novel Revision sequence by posting a Plot Arc Exercise. Last week, I explored how you could start analyzing your outline for conflict. Those questions focused on the overall plot arc, and also looked at the presence or absence of conflict in every section.

This week, go back to your Plot Arc Exercise outline and look at each scene or chapter in more detail. You may have identified some chapters where you had no conflict. But chances are you have some conflict in most chapters. But is it enough? And is it the right conflict?

Perhaps you have chapters where you have conflict in your subplots, but not your main plot. Perhaps your main character is facing a challenge, but it's not directly related to his primary goal or problem. You may choose to keep some of those scenes, but ideally, the story should never lose sight of the main character’s primary goal or problem. Subplots should be tied into the main plot. Extra conflicts should relate to the main conflict. These questions will help you identify trouble spots.

Analyze plot arc for Tension:

• Does each scene fulfill the synopsis goal?

• Does each scene advance plot, reveal character, or ideally both?

• Do your characters have a goal in each scene, such as a shorter term goal that helps lead to the final resolution of the problem?

• Does your MC attempt to make progress toward his/her primary goal in every chapter, or are some chapters only subplot? If you have chapters of only subplot, can you weave them into other chapters with plot, or add plot progression within those chapters?

• Can you make the stakes higher for any scenes?

• Mark plot twists. Do you have several surprises/reversals? If not, can you add some?

• Is the antagonist actively thwarting the hero throughout the book?

• Does the tension rise over time, with the situation worsening? Can you increase the complications, so at each step, more is at stake, there’s greater risk or a better reward?

EXAMPLE: The middle grade boy novel I mentioned last week at one point had an opening chapter where Jesse had an accident in the woods. I was trying to open with an action scene, but unfortunately it didn't relate to the main plot. I ultimately decided it was better to cut that scene and get to the main plot problem more quickly.

Novel Revision part 2: Conflict

Last week I gave an exercise for analyzing your manuscript's plot arc, either from an outline or a finished draft. If you missed that, start with the first Novel Revision post. Then move on to this questionnaire for analyzing conflict. In upcoming weeks, we'll also look at tension, Subplots/secondary characters, theme and more.

Analyze plot arc for Conflict:

• Using your outline, put a check mark by each chapter/scene synopsis if there is conflict in that chapter. For chapters where there is not – can you cut those, interweave with other chapters, or add new conflict?

• What is the main character’s flaw? Do you use this throughout the story to add complications and make challenges more difficult? Should the character make a bad decision or lose hope at one or more points?

• Is the main conflict resolved at the climax, and is the climax at the end of the book?

• Where do we learn the stakes? What are they? Do you have positive stakes (what the MC will get if he succeeds), negative stakes (what the MC will suffer if he fails), or both? Could the penalty for failure be worse? Your MC should not be able to walk away without penalty.

• What’s the timeframe? Can you tighten it? Can you add a “ticking clock,” where the MC has limited time to succeed?

EXAMPLE: This is an excerpt from a pre-revision synopsis of a middle grade boy novel my agent has submitted to editors.

Chapter 1: Jesse's family is getting breakfast, with teasing, nagging and grumbles. Simon read an article in the local weekly about a bank robbery a few towns away. The bank robbers are still on the loose. Jesse heads out for a hike, telling himself he is happier alone, but really missing the times he used to hike with Dad.

Chapter 2: Jesse is hiking, annoyed with his family. He sees tracks – three sets of footprints going up, only one coming down – and follows them curiously. He finds Maria and Rick, struggling to make a fire.

Chapter 3: Jesse helps. Maria is bubbly and wants to learn all about woodcraft, but makes an odd comment about how she's not allowed to have a knife. Rick is fidgety and tries to nudge Jesse on his way. They claim they are they are alone, but Jesse sees signs of a third person, in addition to the footprints. Shaw returns, startling them all.

ANALYSIS: Reviewing this using the questions above, I realized that while I had some tension and mystery, I didn't have a strong conflict in the first three chapters. I shortened the beginning, getting Jesse out onto the hiking trail by page 3. Then I added some bloodstains to the mysterious tracks, to give a greater sense that something could be wrong, and increased the suspicious behavior of the pair he meets in the woods. I also found other gaps in the outline where I didn't have enough conflict. I made sure the stakes were high enough, and that Jesse's internal flaw was contributing to his situation.

In this case, I had to do most of the work at the beginning of the novel. The middle had plenty of action and my climax was strong. Chances are, you'll discover some weak spots in your outline/ manuscript, but you'll probably also discover that you have strong sections that are working well.

RESOURCES:

Dear Editor has a list of questions to ask after writing a piece, to determine whether you're ready for polishing or need to do more major revising.

Novel Revision

One of the biggest challenges of revision is to keep the whole, overall plot arc and character arc in your mind while you're looking at individual pages. I developed a Plot Arc Exercise for a workshop I taught on novel revision. This is a powerful tool for seeing where you may have holes to fill in your manuscript, where you can cut boring parts, and where you need to make changes.

It's a lengthy process, so I'll be going over it for the next several weeks. If you have a manuscript ready for revision, dive right in! Otherwise, make a note of where to find this for when you are ready to revise. 


Note: this exercise is also great for analyzing an outline before you ever start writing. I believe that by writing a detailed outline of my most recent work in progress, and analyzing it using this exercise, I saved about two drafts worth of revision. Not everyone works from outlines, but if you do, give this a try.

PLOT ARC EXERCISE

• Write a one or two sentence synopsis for your manuscript. 

• Define your goal. For example, you might want to entertain boys who are reluctant readers, write a beautiful literary novel of the kind that wins major awards, explore a social problem and ways to address it, or write a quick, fun beach read.

• Define your theme. It's all right if you aren't sure yet, but start narrowing your focus. Are you trying to say something about family? Romantic relationships? Taking risks? Finding the courage inside yourself? (I'll address theme in more detail in future posts.)

• For every chapter (or scene, if you write long chapters with multiple scenes), write a sentence or two describing what happens. Note the number of pages in that chapter or scene. Leave three or four blank lines in between each chapter, for your notes.

• For each scene/chapter, list the emotions you’ve portrayed. Underline or highlight the major emotion.

• Look at your subplots – use a different color for each one and make a note of what happens in each chapter where they appear.

EXAMPLE: Here's an example from adult novel I recently finished:

Synopsis: When Joanna finds the clue that will lead her to a cave full of treasures lost in the American southwest for over a century, she's pulled into a world of action and danger beyond anything she's imagined in her quiet life.

Goal: to write an action-packed romantic suspense novel full of outdoor adventures in the New Mexico landscape, with a strong thread of romance.

Theme: You don't know what you are capable of -- or what you really want -- until you take chances.

Chapter 1: 10 pages
Joanna has found a clue to the treasure that will prove her historical theories. She calls Camie and makes plans to meet. She's on her bicycle when a black vehicle roars out of a side street and runs her off the road.
Excitement, joy, anxiety, terror.

Chapter 2, scene one: 5 pages
Joanna, semi-conscious, feels hands on her and hears vague voices, then the sound of an engine driving away. When she manages to open her eyes, she's alone.
Pain, confusion, determination.
(No subplots yet.)

It takes a while to write this kind of synopsis, so I'm going to stop here for now. Next week, I'll explore how to analyze your plot synopsis for conflict!

RESOURCES:

Blockbuster Plots for Writers suggests that "Stories can either be character-driven or action-driven…. The goal in writing a compelling story that brings pleasure to the reader or audience is to have a balance between character and action.” You can take their test to determine whether your manuscript is stronger with “Character Emotional Development” or “Dramatic Action.” That gives you guidance into where you need to spend your initial revision time.

See my post “Plotting Questionnaire” from 4/16